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One Foot Two Foot, Red Foot Redder Foot |
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September 25, 2007 |
I've learned a lot of life lessons. In fact, I'd assumed that I'd learned
all the important ones in my three plus decades on the planet. Don't stick
forks in electrical outlets. Don't taunt rabid animals. Don't drive
in downtown Baltimore when the sun goes down. Well, this weekend I added
another very important life lesson to my arsenal:
Don't forget to put sunscreen on your feet.
I can't stress how painful this lesson is to learn.
The wife and I went surf fishing at beautiful Assateague beach. Our level
of planning rivals that of NASA, where we calculated departure and arrival
times, packed sammiches and chips, and even made sure to pack layered clothing
to handle any type of weather. We even used SPF30 sunblock. Me,
apparently just to my ankles.
I suppose my brain had a temporary lapse in judgment as
I applied the lotion. Likely some caveman synapse said, "Whaaa?
Feet no burn! Feet for walking!" and I simply stopped applying the
sunblock at my ankles. And when you're wading into the surf every fifteen
minutes to cast your line out, there is a little known fact that when the sun
strikes the surface of the water, it causes angry water demons to stab at your
feet with hot little pitchforks. Trust me, I'm a scholar.
Lest I simply sit here barefoot and bemoan my swollen,
red, and angry feet, I shall once again tell you a Story From School.
Because apparently kids aren't getting smarter, and neither are the returning
adult education folks.
This story takes place in Biology Lab. It's your
atypical lab with big four-person countertop surface areas, sinks, aquariums
with lots of green shit growing inside, and all that jazz. I fully expect
to be able to tell you in one of these future stories that someone will have set
their shirt on fire from one of the Bunsen burners. It will
happen, of that I have no doubt.
But today's story starts with a group exercise in which
we have to classify what primary trophic type something is. You know,
herbivore, carnivore, omnivore, producer, and then the oft overlooked categories
of primary consumer, and secondary consumer. It's not hugely important
that you understand what any of this means, just that they are categories for
classifications. The following took place:
Undereducated Older Student, "What did you get fo numbah one, oak tree?"
Me, "It's a producer."
UOS, "Ohhh. Wha bout two?"
Me, "Black bear? It's an omnivore."
UOS, "Okay, okay, right. Yeah. And three?"
Me, "It's a secondary consumer."
UOS, "So...An herbivore?"
Me, "Mmm? No, it's a secondary consumer."
UOS, "Carnivore?"
Me, "Secondary consumer."
UOS, "Ohhhh, so an omnivore? Okay."
Me, "Secondary. Consumer."
UOS, "Uhh?"
Aaaaaand, scene! Seriously, I might as well have
said "blue" or "lightly sautéed." Every week is like
this. And to think, I've only got 32 credits to go! >.<
