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More Like FedSux, Amirite? |
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November 6, 2007 |
Hey, look at that! Something finally happened that pissed me off enough to
make a whole new post and comic. Been a while, hasn't it? I recently
placed an order on Teh Intarwub for an early
Wintereenmas gift for
my wife and I. Unfortunately, it was only after I placed my order that I
noticed it would be delivered by FedEx. Worse yet, FedEx Ground.
Before I get to the story, by which
today's comic is firmly rooted, let me offer this for all the webcrawling
sniffers and robots: FedEx Sucks. FedEx Sucks. FedEx Sucks.
*Ahem* Now then. You see, I have run into
these FedEx Ground blokes before, and in every case they have done me wrong.
It's not that I don't expect package delays. In fact, I tend to buffer
extra time onto anything I order for that very reason. Delays happen.
FedEx Ground, however, takes their ineptness to a whole new level. In
every single case where I've had the misfortune of being stuck with FedEx Ground
as my solitary delivery option, they have failed to find me.
Let me say that again, but with more font-specific
importance: They have failed to FIND me. I dutifully check
tracking numbers, hitting F5 like a maniac to always have the most updated
information available. And every single fucking time, without fail, I get
the message "Delivery Exception - Unable to locate address."
Now, lest you think I live squarely between Bumfuck
Egypt and Middle of Nowhere, I assure you I am still quite locatable. The
U.S. Postal Service delivers mail to me daily. UPS regularly drops off
packages, sometimes even with a God damn smile. And sure as shit the
Jehovah's Witnesses know how to find my house. Yet FedEx consistently
fails.
Oh, and this is no fluke. No sir. This has
happened now at two distinctly different addresses over the past three years.
It honestly boggles my mind that a business whose sole purpose in life is to
deliver packages, utterly fails at doing so. Worse yet, I'm the
one that has to call them to report the problem. Never once have I gotten
a call asking if I could narrow down what hemisphere I'm in, or what time zone
would be convenient for putting my package in. Nope. Every time I
have to call them, and they feign shock and disbelief that they could not find
me.
You know what would be sweet?
If someone invented
some kind of way
to find different places,
and
use
them
to
deliver
packages.
Totally fucking sweet. Oh, and just to make this all the more ironic in
the Alanis Morrisette sense, I just checked the tracking number for today's
re-attempt, and they're now saying it's scheduled for tomorrow. Apparently
they just gave up on even faking it today.
